Why sanity doesn't work... she won't go to sleep tonight... 

Go the fock to sleep 

So before I write this.. realize that this is a work of mental acuity perhaps permeated by alcohol.  

Meaning I am buzzed...from 1 Stella

So it's about 12 am and she gets up.  Granny isn't here and she is bawling.
I tell her to go to sleep, here's another blanket.  She comes down again, Granny isn't here.. I am a bit peeved and I also  notice she is scratching like a fiend, has mentioned being itchy.  I scratch her back, tell her "go your butt to sleep!" (not Samuel Jackson but ya know...)  She comes down again.. BAWLING, red eyes and it all, pouty (check) crying (check) ...I give her her pills because they say may cause drowsiness, so to go to sleep. 

So I have started to notice I seriously dislike stuff I cannot understand.

To wit, part of me hates kids.  Not true,  I don't hate them or even dislike them, more to the point that I grew up early enough or was a bit of a nerd so not understood enough that I am confused, dismayed and frustrated by them and their antics.  I wasn't a total kid!  I was a dumb ass for sure.  I didn't know left from right till about college, but that's beside the point.  It makes me angry that I can't understand them sometimes.
She is scared, she is "itchy" and keeps scratching... but most of all she wants granny.  I am not .. .and I repeat.. am not at all Granny.. .I have noticed that with one sure point, Grandpa is not  always a good  substitute for the authentic Granny.. so I don't step in when I sense that she needs her Granny. 

Again not to be mean or more importantly misunderstood, my hate is not really hate at all.  My hate lies in the fact there there is a conundrum.  It's a problem that I cannot fix.  And if you know any programmers or technicians we don't like problems we cannot fix.   I love her dearly .. Truly I do, she is a wonderful rodent (we call her rabbit), but I don't know what to do. I, as I have told my wife, would go to some parenting classes as I don't really know from.. well knowing.  I remember how my parents, After School specials and regular school taught me to be me... I can only hope that would be enough and with that..

So the earlier statement has turned into I hate my inadequacies as a grandparent/parent.. even more when I can't do as much as I feel I should.

-fin
-Cope